i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Pants are for mortals
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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