Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
