my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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