Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize