I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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