im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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