im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
