8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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