I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
