so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
