He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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