We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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