Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
soo... how was my night?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
