we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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