I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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