escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
