i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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