Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
