You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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