thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
