The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
