I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize