I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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