Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
