do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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