I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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