Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
