I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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