Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
