ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize