She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
