Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
