Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize