I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
