the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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