You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
