i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
