i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
