i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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