you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
