Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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