I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
