you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Randomize
