why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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