you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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