At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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