one two three fourrrrnication!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we're making bets on your personal life
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize