How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
