Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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