Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
