I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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