my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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