If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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