I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize