So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
