i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
