Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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