you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
