...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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