Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
