i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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