im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
