Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
