the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
