True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize