i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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