Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
