I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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