I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
