you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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