My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
