i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize