If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
