Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
