i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
