now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
