dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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