That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
