i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
