I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
