all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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