12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
