If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize