he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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