Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
