Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
